Overcoming shame - financial debt
If shame was not holding me back,
What would I claim?
How would I show up?
Who would I be?
(Suggested prompts for you to journal on)
Are you currently struggling with shame?
First, know that
Shame is something we choose to experience as humans beacause it's a high sensation feeling and we love feeling high sensational feelings, no matter if they are good or bad.
Shame is quite genius because if we carry shame, we will continue to stay small and continue to hide which we all know by know is the brains way of protecting us, it’s wants us to stay the same. Hence if you are on your way to a big uplevel or change - your old friend shame will come to say hi and will most likely stick around as long as you let it.
So the first two points here is kind of like a win win experience for shame.. which is why you might be stuck in it, because why get rid of something that serves you?
This is worth knowing so that you can make a choice from awareness to choose to let go of shame.
Not many people realise that on a subtle level - shame is pleasurable!
Next,
Shame tells us someone/everyone will find out where we did wrong and then... we will no longer be part of the pack which essentially on a nervous system level means death.
And so... shame is normally attached to a lot of fear of being found out and in extension dying which is why it's such an intense overwhelming feeling.
The thing about today's cancel culture is that it really doesn’t matter, at one point in your journey you are going to fuck up, and you'll get haters.. even though you tried to do it all right and be as perfect as possible.
What I am trying to say here is,
you can keep as much as you want to yourself and you can share as much as you want, one day you might get “cancelled” either way and It’s actually quite liberating to know that if people want to find a reason to hate on you they will… it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
You also have no obligation to share anything you don’t want to share, even though people are going to tell you that you do. Remember that some things are just for you and you don’t owe anyone anything about your inner landscape, life, business, money, relationships…. anything.
And then again there’s that thing about alchemising shame through sharing about it, talking about it… instead of letting it have you hide. Remember, that’s the shame serving you piece. Ie you get to stay where you are. You get to stay small. You get to stay in the safe box!
Meaning you will put a shield around yourself to not be seen, to not be “found out”, to not receive the goodness you are born worthy of.
So honestly now:
How long is shame going to hold you back from everything you know is meant for you?
Hold me back?
I've been wearing a blanket of shame for a long time now, which basically has been the greatest blessing because I had to face where I have more work to do on my path of liberation.
Financial debt. Doesn’t the word in itself make you squirm? Feel discomfort?
But as I have realised for myself... How can one teach liberation if one haven't touched the deepest fear based programming around money?
It's the medicine journey I had to go through.
The worst thing that could ever happen to most people is debt, bankruptcy, getting blacklisted, debt collection, "losing everything". Someone told me the other day that there's an increase in people killing themselves right now because of the shame and despair of debt.
It runs so deep and It can be so overwhelming and lonely because if you choose to share, people will project their own fear and own shame on top of yours and where is the relief? For a lot of people there is none. It’s a spiral of shoulds, conditioning, worst case scenario thinking and social pressure even from the people that you love and that loves you back.
You have to find the relief in yourself or in conscious communities that sees beyond the veil. Beyond conditioning of “right and wrong”.
You can alchemise your shame - whatever it may be about - with the right tools and the right people.
The way out is choosing your own meaning, not what everyone else’s/society’s meaning is.
So for a long time my fear was..
People are going to find out that I have more debt than savings.
People are going to find out that even though I made multiple 6 figures I’m still in debt.
And so many women know this one intimately:
"People are going to find out that I am a fraud."
And then I realised.. what are they going to do as a result of that..?
Like really.. what would be the next thing that happened?
Will I lose everything?
- If I do - I will build it all back up
Will I get excluded from the pack?
-If I do - they are not my people and I will find the ones who are (and I feel certain on my inner circle who loves me for me)
Liberation means knowing that whatever happens you have infinite creative energy to create from “nothing” and no one can take that force away from you. This is power. This is being the creator of your own reality.
So actually what is going to happen is that if they realise I've been a fraud all along… I’m just going to own the fact that I am a trickster and I fooled them all and then…
They are going to watch me rise again.
Obviously
Because what "they" say about me doesn’t matter
What "they" think of me doesn’t matter.
Their possible projected fear, shame and limiting beliefs can't touch me because I know who I am and where I am going.
So
What matters is what you think of you.
What matters is who you are and who you are becoming
What matters is your values.
Not how much money you have made
Not much how debt you have or don't have
Not how much you have in your savings account
Not if you’re “successful” or not.
Society is going to tell you otherwise
But you get to dismantle what's right or wrong and good or bad and you get to choose to create a life outside of conditioning.
When you let go of shame and go be who you are meant to be and live what you are meant to live… you’ll experience liberation.
It’s time to take of the shame blanket.
Personally I’m not going to use shame as a way to hide or stay small anymore, it's not going to hold me back from serving, teaching, creating and selling... because there's nothing about me to "find out".
Except from maybe that I am the weird naked dancing neighbour.
But most of you knew that about me already.
Thanks for reading
xoxo
/Sandra Denise aka the trickster Goddess